Fatwaa ID: 1720
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Assalamualaikum, I just got married recently and it was arranged. Before this guy I had many proposals and SubhanAllah none of them were successful. When this guy came along my family and I kind of rushed things. Within 3 months of meeting we got married. But we all did istikhara for the rishta and Alhamdulillah the outcome was positive for both sides of the family. This guy is not very good looking but that didn’t matter to me I was attracted to his deendari or what seemed like deendari. Now after marriage If I didn’t know he was a maulana then there would be no difference between him and the average Indian college boy in terms of deendari. In fact a college boy would be considered more deendar in front of my husband cause he doesn’t have as much knowledge as my husband does. I don’t want to complain. My husband is of nature a good person. He’s very gentle and patient with me and buys me anything I want, he takes me to new places and wants to see me happy Alhamdulillah I’m so blessed. But I’m not attracted to him physically or sexually and that’s becoming a huge problem. And I don’t think I will ever love him or be attracted to him because he’s not the person I thought he was. I don’t get it tho because our istikhara was positive and Allah swt mentions in the Quran و جعل بينكم مودة ورحمة so how am I not feeling any mawaddah? It is a problem because if I don’t love him I won’t be satisfied in the relationship and that might cause more problems in the future. What should I do? Is this a valid reason to ask for khul’a? If I’m not satisfied in the relationship?
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
We take note of the details of your query. We pray that Allaah Ta’aala places love, happiness, affection and unity in your relationship.
It is a misunderstanding from your side for which you are now blaming or objecting to the Qur’aan. The is no such thing as a positive or negative istikhaarah. Istikhaarah is not an answer nor an indication. Istikhaarah is to seek divine goodness in the decision you make. It is your responsibility to outweigh the pros and cons of a suitor and consult with your well wishers and only then making a thoughtful decision. Choosing a suitable and compatible spouse is something that is on you. As for mawaddah and rahmah, the very essence of both are placed in a marriage but the couple must mutually work together to preserve, maintain and strengthen that.
In the enquired situation, you mention many good qualities of your husband. Focus on the good and try to overlook the unpleasant. Be grateful for the good you see in him. These are qualities that bring bliss in a marriage.
You knew of his outward appearance before getting married to him and you chose to overlook that. Continue to do that. Most certainly there are qualities or things in you that he may not find attractive or pleasing. No one is perfect. The imperfection in both together makes a relationship perfect.
You have entered into a relationship after making istikhaarah. Strive towards making it work. Looks and beauty fade away. Focus on the inner beauty. If there are things that can be improved, work towards that.
In terms of religiosity, it is a journey which has its ups and downs. If your expectations were not met, it is okay. You can now work together to get closer to Allaah Ta’aala. Be supportive and encouraging. The same is expected from him with you.
In the enquired situation, your request for divorce or khula’ would not be justified.
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best.
Mufti Muajul I. Chowdhury
Darul Iftaa New York
02/16/1445 AH – 09/02/2023 CE | 587
وصل اللهم وسلم وبارك على سيدنا محمد وعلى ءاله وصحبه أجمعين
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