Fatwaa ID: 1793
Dear Mufti Saab:
Assalamualaykum. After conveying to the sister your response from a few weeks ago, the sister has reached out again. Please note her request:
I am going to describe some of my very RECENT conversations in detail with my husband while arguing and fighting and asking for divorce.
I have lived separately from him since November 2021. I want to know if the recent conversations I have had with him constitute irrevocable talaq for me or not. I am very confused. He keeps saying different things in anger and he keeps taking his words back. He also lies many times and says ambiguous statements. His repeated statements have left this me hanging and suffering. He refuses to say or text a clear irrevocable divorce talaq to me. But, at the same time, he says many statements about divorce, khula and talaq; but then he tries to take me back. I and the children cannot live with him anymore due to his cruelty and abuse. I think that talaq might have already occurred between us. If I do go back to him, I feel that I may be in zina with him. He is not able to keep me and fulfill his basic duties as a husband, nor does he let me free to live in peace from him. Mufti Saab, please examine the conversations below and decide: Have I been given an irrevocable divorce by him? Should I start counting iddah? When should I start counting her iddah days? Am I free to marry another man after iddah? Please clarify so I can go on with my life in safety from him.
These are the recent communications (by text and by talking on phone) I have had with him:
On July 24, 2023:
“Their father called me. After listening to me crying, I explained to him the reason I couldn’t stop crying. My 23-year-old daughter demanded that I divorce their father (she feared my safety because of the previous years of abuse.).
He yelled at me to “stop crying” and he wanted to pick me up “to see me.”
I replied: “no”. I refused to go meet him. I reminded him “Our kids do not want me to be married to you any longer”.
And he asked me “Do you want a Khula?”.
I replied “Yes”.
Then their father said, “Like the last time this time you get a khula, divorce again. Go to your maulanas /mufti and tell them.” Then he hung up the phone.
(Please note that he is referring in this statement to the irrevocable divorce he had given me some years ago. I eventually remarried him in July of 2023 after my iddah completed from that first divorce.)
After 3 days. He called me and “wanted to meet me again”.
I told him I couldn’t because he had “given me a khula” so maybe we were divorced.
He said it did not mean anything that ” I was his wife.”
On August 11, 2023:
I returned to him a van (he had given me as a gift). In his many confusing remarks, he was texting me “Return the van and go and have a good life”.
When I went to give him the van key, he did come close to my body and he tried to hug me. I pushed him back. I mentioned to him, “I want a khula/divorce” and that we are “probably already divorced by him giving me a khula”… and “I don’t want to commit Zina”. I gave the van and keys to him and left.
Note: I have not met with him at all ever since, I am scared that he will touch me and I don’t want to commit zina. I am so confused and scared.
After that incident, multiple times, he would text me statements such as: “farewell” and “To have a good life” and “… return to him after the iddah” and “I make dua to Allah returns my wife (i.e. me)”.
But after a week, he claims and texts me that I am “his wife and that nikah is intact”.
He also said: “If you need to end the relationship because you have all your evidence. This is the perfect time. You are very young. Please forgive me. Please block me forever, I don’t want to keep any relationship/ communication with you anymore. Please do whatever you need. Jazzakalla khairan”.
After few days, he again texted me to “meet him” and that “I was his beloved wife”. I refused by reminding him again “You have divorced me it is haram /Zina. Astagfrrullah.”
September 05, 2023 Evening:
To clear all the confusing conversation to get a clear divorce, I called their father. And I told him calmly…”I will not meet with you. I don’t want nothing to do with you. I don’t feel safe with you.and you are constantly making me cry with your insulting words as calling me shaitan, kuffar, and worthless revert”
Their father asked me: “Do you want a khula?
And I quickly responded with a reply of “yes”.
After some more conversation, I said: “then I am taking my Khula! I am taking it as a divorce!”
Then he replied “Yes!, take your khula get the f— out of my life go!!.” Then he hung up the phone.
I knew I had to speak with him like that …in between my conversation with him I did repeat twice: “I am taking it as a divorce” in order to clearly get it from him.
Because he has the habit to deny his statements, I called him again after a few minutes, he answered, and I said clearly:
“Please do not deny you gave me my khula (my divorce)…. it has started from July 24th.”
First, he called me “shaitan” and that “I cannot call him to harass him about divorce anymore.”
Then he denied “no, don’t trick me by putting words in my mouth.” He was yelling.
I repeated the conversation to him: “yes” you did say: “do you want a khula!” I reminded him “Don’t deny even this evening.”
Then he said “Ok then, if I said khula take it, you made it a yes.”
I replied to him: “is important for clarity, my life is hanging by a thread .. . I want a divorce…”
I repeated it means “you are giving me my divorce.”
So, he said “Yes, you got it now! now leave me alone.”
In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.
We take note of the details of your query. A khula’ constitutes a talaaq baain. Your husband’s statement, “You get a khula'” was sufficient to result a talaaq baain. Accordingly, you are separated from him irrevocably. He cannot take you back into his marriage. You may marry someone else once your ‘iddah terminates.
In regards to your ‘iddah, we understand that the initial talaaq raj’ee was revoked during its ‘iddah. As for the other possibilities of talaaq raj’ee in the interim, we cannot say with certainty which of them was effective as the now ex-husband’s intentions will have to be considered. What is certain is the khula’ issued on the 24th of July was binding. You may take that as your talaaq date. Count your ‘iddah of three menstrual cycles from then.
And Allaah Ta’aala knows best.
Mufti Muajul I. Chowdhury
Darul Iftaa New York
03/14/1445 AH – 09/30/2023 CE | 619
وصل اللهم وسلم وبارك على سيدنا محمد وعلى ءاله وصحبه أجمعين
Darul Iftaa New York answers questions on issues pertaining to Shari’ah. These questions and answers are placed for public view on askthemufti.us for educational purposes. The rulings given here are based on the questions posed and should be read in conjunction with the questions. Many answers are unique to a particular scenario and cannot be taken as a basis to establish a ruling in another situation.
Darul Iftaa New York bears no responsibility with regard to its answers being used out of their intended contexts, nor with regard to any loss or damage that may be caused by acting on its answers or not doing so.
References and links to other websites should not be taken as an endorsement of all contents of those websites.
Answers may not be used as evidence in any court of law without prior written consent of Darul Iftaa New York.