Saturday, April 13, 2024
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Forced marriage

Fatwaa ID: 2078

Asalamualykum ww

About 6 months ago my dad told me about a proposal it’s his childhood best friends son from back home. Thry are wealthy have high status they are elders and Malik of the town. So my dad was extremely happy about this proposal that came for me. My dad then told me the whole history of how he knows them etc.

I saw the person a week later. He is on student visa came to the UK around 1 Yr ago and its sop about to expire. After I saw him I did istikhara for a few days and I think he’s a good person but not the right one. So I told my parents no. They however didn’t like that and for the next 2 months my dad and mum and oldest sister continually lectured me, swore at me blackmailed me saying if I don’t say yes they will leave me amd whoever I egt married to they won’t accept him and I have to find a husband for myself. Thry made this whole marriage about themselves amd the guy. I was just a side peice.

After all the manipulation and blackmailing I just gave up and said yes. After that I genuinely tried for weeks to accept him but I just can’t my heart litrelly aches. I don’t know why I can’t accept it.

6 months later just recently I got married. In the morning of thr nikkah I woke up saying to myself that I should say no and that I am goijg to ruin his and my life if I go ahead with this because this isn’t just 1 or 2 day thing. I really arnt happy with this and I just can’t accept him. In the nikkah as well I felt very betrayed and hurt amd very angry at myself.

Now that I am married I’m constantly angry at myself because he seems like a nice guy. I’m not living with him yet I’m still at my mums but he seems like a good person and ot makes me so angry that I can’t accept him. And anytime he’s near me or I hear about him I feel angry. I know this is shaytaan and I just force myself to feel okay about ot and just do it maybe then I’ll actually like him .

But I can’t stop blaming myself for the negative feelings I feel towards him . I don’t know wjat to do and I’m actually goijg to loose my mind now. I know I will be responsible for all of this on the day of qiyaammah and I really do hate myself for all of this.

Please advise me I can’t talk to anyone about this. And no one understands.

Jazakallah for your time.

(P.s if it is not an issue please dokt post this qs ans answer on the website just in case)

In the Name of Allaah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salaamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullaahi wa-barakaatuh.

We take note of the details of your query. May Allaah Ta’aala bless your marriage with love, happiness and affection.

Sometimes in life we suffer due to the attitude or perception we maintain and even manifest. While your parents and family were wrong to pressure you into a marriage you did not want to be in, you ultimately said yes. You then had six months of time until the nikaah to back out. Now that you are married, it is no longer an option to say no. So holding on to your thoughts now and letting it affect you is only detrimental to you.

You state that you have made istikhaarah. Istikhaarah means to seek divine goodness from Allaah Ta’aala. In the istikhaarah, you asked Allaah Ta’aala that if there is good in this marriage, then bring it to me. If there is bad in it, then keep it away from me. Allaah Ta’aala has now brought it to fruition. Regard this to be a goodness from Allaah Ta’aala.

Allaah Ta’aala reminds us in the Qur’aan,

عَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ
“Perhaps you dislike something whilst it is good for you.”  [al-Baqarah 216] 

You mention that your new husband seems to be a good person. You are fortunate. Cherish that. Reciprocate that. Nurture that. If you match his attitude, there will be khayr in it for you. Just as you saw good in him, give him the opportunity to see the good in you. If you however bring about a negative attitude from the beginning or you ill treat him, then it may only get worse from here. Marriage is a journey. Start on a good note and work towards perfecting it.

Abundantly send salawaat upon Nabi ﷺ. Along with that, frequently recently the following du’aa,

اللهم أَلِّف بَينَ قُلوبِنا
O Allaah! Join our hearts with love.

And Allaah Ta’aala knows best.
Mufti Muajul I. Chowdhury
Darul Iftaa New York

07/18/1445 AH – 01/30/2024 CE | 795

وصل اللهم وسلم وبارك على سيدنا محمد وعلى ءاله وصحبه أجمعين


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